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时间轴: 洋洋 果冻MU
South Park 1403 Medicinal Fried Chicken
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Oh I wish I could exercise with the rest of the team, coach,
but I've got such a belly ache.
You seem to have a stomach ache every time we do drills and exercises.
I know, it sucks.
Alright kids, practice is over for today.
KFC!!!
Oh boy oh boy! I'm gonna get a three piece meal and crispy strips!
Cartman, you only come to soccer practice on Fridays,
and that's only because we have Kentucky Fried Chicken afterwards!
Shut up you shifty Jew! I'll fuckin' kill you!
Uh sorry, sorry.
I just, you know, when I've been waiting too long for the Colonel's chicken I get easily agitated.
You're a fuckin' asshole Kenny!
Oh oh oh, sorry sorry.
Oh here we are! Here we are!
Hey it looks different.
Hey uh, what's up with the KFC?
Oh, it's not a KFC anymore.
It's a medicinal marijuana dispensary.
A what?
Dude, what the fuck? What the fuck?!
So where's the KFC now?
Alright boys, wait out here. Let me see what's going on.
Can I help you sir?
Yeah, we were actually looking to get some KFC?
Oh yeah sorry, that's gone. We only sell marijuana here.
Really?
I mean, you're openly selling pot? For reals?
Sure. New state laws say it's okay.
Woohoo, all right!
I love the future
Let's see uh,
I'll take half a pound of that uhhh Jamaican Passion
and give me some of that purplish stuff too!
Alright. I'll just need to see your physician's reference.
My huh?
Well, sire we, just can't, sell the marijuana to anybody.
You need a reference from your doctor to show it's necessary.
Ohhh, that's dumb.
Okay. Okay, I'll be I'll be right back!
What'd they say?
KFC's gone, been replaced.
They can't do that! This is the only KFC in all of South Park!
Yeah well I gotta get to the doctor.
The doctor? But Dad, we wanna eat.
I gotta get to the doctor!
..so no KFC?
This is a ngihtmare.
This is a ngihtmare and I CAN'T WAKE UP!.
Well Mr. Marsh, it looks like you are in prefect health.
Your bloodwork came back great and all your vitals appear normal.
All right!
Yep, you check out fine.
That's great. So can I get a referral from you?
For what?
Medicinal marijuana.
There's a shop that opened in the old KFC,
and they said I needed a doctor's referral to buy weed.
Mr. Marsh, you don't qualify for medicinal marijuana.
But you said I'm totally healthy!
Medicinal marijuana is for people who aren't healthy.
AIDS patients, cancer patients.
You know, people going through chemo.
The THC helps them eat and take the pain.
YOU are in fine shape!
..Well that sucks!
Well so doctor, how do most people get cancer?
Well there's a lot of ways you can get cancer.
Yeah, but what's the quickest way?
The what?
Well like,
what forms of cancer induce in time for the Ziggy Marley concert next Saturday in Denver?
Mom, drive faster!
The KFC in Salida is a long way away, sweetie.
-Be patient. -Shut up and drive faster!
I've been waiting for chicken for TOO LONG!
Eric, we're almost to Frisco.
Why don't we go to the Church's Fried Chicken there?
WHAT??
Church's Fried Chicken tastes like cat shit!
Alright honey, let's take it easy.
Fuck you!
No! No, what's going on?!
Move aside!
It's closed, kid, there's nothin' in there.
No you, you can't do this! The KFC in my town is closed too!
Yeah, well, that's because of the vote lst November to ban fast food in low-income areas.
You mean I have to drive all the way to Denver to get chicken?!
No you don't get it, kid.
KFCs were only in low-income areas.
In the entire state of Colorado,
Kentucky Fried Chicken is illegal.
Nooooooooo-!
Dad, Mom says to stop trying to give yourself cancer.
Just gonna get a little bit of cancer, Stan.
Tell Mom it's okay.
(methadone clininc)
Can I help you?
I need... Somebody said you... could help me.
I... have to... I haven't... had... KFC... in over... a week.
Alright, sign your name on the release form and
-put down the time your birth year. -Really?
and we'll get you through the next twenty-four hours.
Whoa, what uh, are you serious?
Oh my God, that's KFC gravy!
You have KFC! Yes! [
This is it?
One lousy little cup of gravy?!
This is a clinic to help you get over your addiction.
Who wants just gravy?!
It goes on mashed potatoes! On extra-crispy chicken skins!
If you don't want it, that's fine-
"Frozen and processed foods
appear to have a direct link to many forms of stomach and colon cancers."
Alright.
"Tests show that preservatives found in these foods are the leading cause.
However, luckily most of these cancers are..."
"slow-growing and can take years to develop." Damn it！
"Testcular cancer.
Most common in older men and can be extrenekt aggressive."
Oh this is good.
"There's no data on what causes testicular cancer to grow so rapidly,
however the primary causes of testicular cancer are linked to exposure to high doses of radiation"
Oh hey, Stan, could you grab me a beer?
Stan?
Whoahhh! Sharon. Hey, hey Sharon!
Mr. Marsh, I'm afraid that the tests came back positive.
You do have testicular cancer.
SCORE!
Now, the good new is it hasn't spread anywhere. We should... probably schedule to have them re-
Yeahyeahyeahyeah, but for now can I finally get my prescription please?!
Your prescription for what?
Buffalo Soldier...
in the heart of America.
Stolen from Africa,
brought into America.
He was fighting on arrival...
One ounce of Purple Urple, two ounces of Fisherman's Friend,
and a half ounce of Alabama Kush!
Uh that is nice! That is nice!
Randy! Jesus, Randy.
Your balls!
I know. Smokin' pot right in front of a cop.
Pretty sweet, huh?
No, I mean, your actual balls!
Oh, yeah. Testicular cancer.
Here, here, you want some?
Oh wait, you're healthy!
Hey bust his ass, officer!
Hey kid,
they say you're looking for some KFC.
Yeah. Who isn't?
Yeah well uh, we got some.
Over at Billy Miller's house.
Billy Miller? Seriously??
Ahhh Eric Cartman, right?
Tommy said you have some KFC.
Suuure.
Jessie
Oh my God, the Colonel's popcorn chicken and honey-mustard sauce!
Oh God yes!
Where did you get that?!
I have my sources.
That'll be eighty-five dollars.
eighty-five bucks?? I don't have that!
Hold on, hold on.
You're a big boy, Eric.
Maybe you can pay me back another way.
Do a little job for me.
I've got some serious KFC coming in from a dealer.
I need somebody willing to get a little risky and... pick it up.
How much KFC are we talking?
Two buckets plus a three-piece meal and four sides.
Holy fuck, dude.
I've got the money to pay for it, but it's become a risky business out there.
You get the chicken for me,
and I'll make sure you're hooked up for life.
Do you wanna do it?
Do I wanna do it?
Does the Pope help pedophiles get away with their crime?
Ecellent.
Alright, see you tomorrow!
Oh God, I gotta hurry!
Caprica starts in five minutes!
Huh-oh Jesus!
Uhh, hey, can somebody..?
Rrrr. Ugh, I gotta get home.
Hey, hey, hey, this can work.
This could... Hey, it's like a hoppity hop.
Are you Teabag?
Maybe I am. Who's askin'?
Cut the crap. You got the stuff?
Oh, I got the hookup.
Question is, you got the money?
Alright, we're in biz.
It's all there, man
Extra crispy?
Course, man, I ain't no fool
You trying to fuck me dude?
This is cut with Boston Market gravy!!
Awww, it's all the same shit, man.
IT'S NOT THE SAME SHIT!
Okay okay I'm sorry, oh...
You're cuttin' Colonel's gravy with Boston Market to
try and save yourself some fuckin' money!
I'll take back the gravy
Like anybody wants KFC without gravy!
AAAH please. Please, I'm sorry!
Take your money back! Take the KFC too!
What's going on back there?
Nothin', it's cool
Alright, I'll call. Fouty-five to you Ned.
Oh man.
This Rainy Day Woman is the bomb.
You guys don't know what you're messing
Well you know, you could share some of that with us, Randy.
No, Nelson, that's illegal!
I can smoke this because I have cancer.
Aw come on, just give us a little bit
Yeah
Get your own medicinal marijuana cards!
You've all got perfectly good microwaves at home!
Look, I'm telling you guys, it's awesome.
I can have all the pot I want,
I get around faster than walking,
and, wherever I need a seat, I can just sit on my balls.
And let me tell you something else.
Chicks... love 'em.
Women love huge balls?
Loove 'em.
Everywhere I go, when I walk by,
chicks are like turning their heads and going "whaaa?"
I never knew how much women love guys' balls
until I got these puppies.
Travis, did you take out the garba-whaaa?
See?
Cartman my boy, you got the stuff?
Yeah I got the stuff
And I got the money
Heyyy you're good.Eric
I need people like you!
Good, 'cause I ate a bunch of chicken on the way over here
That's alright Eric
I've got something big in the works.
What if I told you...
that I now have a diect line to get all the KFC we want here?
I'm sending Tommy to Kentucky,
to try and set up a little "arrangement" with the Colonel himself.
Wait a minute.
You mean THE Colonel?
That's right.
And I'd like you to go as well and watch Tommy's back for me.
Is that something you'd want to do?
Is that something I'd want to do?
Is the Pope Catholic?
And making the world safe for pedophiles?
Excellent.
Doctor, Mr. Klein's test results came in.
What the hell is going on?
Doctor?
This is the tenth case I've seen this week.
It can't be a coincidence.
Something in this town is giving men testicular cancer.
Heh, I am stoned off my ass!
Heh, I am stoned off my balls!
Anybody got more of that loompa loompa weed?
Wow. Those guys have nice balls.
Wish my man had balls like those.
(科尔宾 肯塔基州)
Our entire production is headquartered here, boys.
We move over sixteen tons of chicken every month.
Of course, with the new laws in Colorado my business has taken quite a hit.
I'm worried other states might follow suit.
We know, Colonel
but we can get your chicken into the state.
We just need a bulk deal, say, four ninety five a key?
I've got to hand it to you, Colonel.
You have everything a man could want
I like you, Eric.
There's no lying in you.
Unfortunately, I don't feel the same about your friend.
Who? You mean Tommy?
Wait, where's he go?
Your partner is an informant for Jamie Oliver.
Dude, that was sweet!
He's all choked.
And how do I know you're not a liar too?
Hey, Colonel!
I've been your biggest supporter since I was two years old!
I love your chicken! I love you!
I think...
you and me can work this thing out, Eric.
Do business together a long time
Good.
Just remember,
I only tell you one time.
Don't fuck me, Eric.
Don't you ever try to fuck me.
Randy! Randy, will you look at yourself?
Your balls are getting bigger
I know. They're pretty swollen.
Kinda hurts. I'm gonna buy some more weed.
Randy, please. When you get back,
do you think maybe we could make love again?
Ohhh, someone's feeling frisky again. huh?
Oh, it's just that I thought that more alone time would maybe be really-
Hey. My eyes are up here.
I'm sorry, I just...
It's alright, I just want you to look at me when we make love and not just at my balls.
I'll be home soon, babe.
Hey uh, could you uh, give me half a pound of that Suburban Sunrise, please?
I'm sorry sir, but you have to be inside the store.
Well eh, I'm right here, can you just... bring it over?
Selling medicinal marijuana outside the confines of an approved shop is still illegal.
put these balls in there...
Look I'm startin' to feel kind of stupid; can I please get high?
What, are you crazy Eric?!
Making a deal with the Colonel for ten thousand more boxes?!
I can't move that much chicken!
Will you relax, Billy? It's fine!
...Fine? I'm not making any money here! I'm losing it!
I have to pay for more security, I got the cops up my ass,
and I have to pay for all these orders to cut the chicken for distribution!
Billy, Billy, we've gotta be thinking bigger here!
It's time to expand!
How can I expand when thirty-six percent of our product is going to you?!
Get out there and sell the chicken or get lost!
You've forotten who the boss of this operation is, Eric!
...Yeah welll, you're not gonna be around a lot longer
What is that supposed to mean?
I... told your mom you got an F on that social studies test
You wouldn't do that.
Does a bear crap in the woods?
And does the Pope crap on the broken lives and dreams of two hundred deaf boys?
Billy?! Your father and I want to talk to you!
Bye bye Billy.
Alright everyone listen up!
I'm in charge now! Anybody got a problem with that?
Alright, good.
What do we want?--Bigger doors!
Where do we want them?--Weed stores!
What do we want?--Bigger doors!
Where do we want them?--Weed stores!
Look, I'm sorry
but the bill says I can't modify any existing structure.
Well I guess we could change the law to allow for
medicinal marijuana to be sold just outside the door of the shop.
Egah I don't know
maybe the rule should be somebody can buy the medicinal weed for others.
Look, can we skip all this and just make pot legal?
Everyone is just abusing this medicinal system anyway,it's ridiculous
What's ridiculous about it?
Hold on, hold people people, please!
We are all forgetting what is really at issue here!
Look around! These men all have cancer!
It's no coincidence that when this building changed, the rise in cancerr went up.
Don't you see?
The KFC was keeping people healthy!
Mr. Cartman, come on.
We're supposed to be handlng the business; you're eating too much of the stuff.
Shut up Kevin! I'm the boss, not you, buttlicker!
Eric, the Colonel is on the phone for you. He sounds pissed.
What?! Oh, that's right, I forgot to- Damnit! Uh, okay.
Put him on speaker.
Hello. Hello??
Colonel, how are you doing?
What happened?
Oh, we had some problems, you know? Colonel?
Eric, what happened??
We had a little problem.
I heard.
Yeah? How'd, how'd you hear that?
Becaise Jamie Oliver gave his speech at the UN today.
He was not supposed to give that speech, Eric!
Ey that's okay, we'll get him next time.
There's not going to be a next time you fucking dumb cocksucker!
Hey, take it easy Colonel.
I told you a long time ago, you fucking little monkey, not to fuck me!
Ey! Ey who the fuck do you think you're talking to, huh?! Huh?!
Oh crap!
Freeze!--It's the cops!
Run Billy, run!
Mommy, no!
Last November, this town passed a bill that seemed silly to some.
Since then we've had underground black markets, crime, death, and shootings.
But now the bill has been repealed,
and I am relieved to announce that once again,
marijuana is illegal.
And another bill has been repealed as well.
Because ever since we got rid of KFC, we've seen a great rise in cancer.
But today we welcome back KFC
and all the medical benefits it gives us.
Well I got to admit, it's a lot easier to get in doors
with my little prosthetic balls.
Yeah. Great.
Aw, Sharon, don't be upset.
The doctor made you a souvenir.
Randy, I love it!
Ane when it gets cold it shrinks.
Sharon, you got a scrotum coat?
Yep!
Luckyyyyy